Regaining one's self-confidence following a divorce is not an easy thing to do. As we've stated in all the previous articles within this series of reports on how to recover from a divorce, the blow to your inner-being is traumatic and long-lasting.
Probably the first thing you should do is to take stock of yourself and set about improving the way you look. This could mean a new hairdo, a haircut, new makeup, and new clothes. Get yourself organized to look your best, because when you feel that you look good, you will look good.
It's easy to spot people who have suffered traumatic experiences because of the way they look. Their appearance, their clothes, the way they talk and act — it's all quite apparent to an observer that these people feel down and out — they feel that life has played a dirty trick on them — and their self-esteem is not very high.
The next thing you should do is get involved in some sort of meaningful work.
If you're already a part of the working force, ask for more responsibility or more challenging assignments. Get involved in the areas in which you excel, and show your bosses as well as yourself what you can do with exemplary expertise. Take stock of the promotional opportunities where you work — set your sights on a better position — and go for it.
If you're out of work or don't have a job, then take stock of the things that you can do, make up or have a resume of your capabilities typed out, look in the newspapers — the yellow pages of your telephone book — visit your state employment office, and the employment agencies in your area — submit your resume and get yourself a job. Nothing boosts a person ego, self-esteem, personal confidence, and inner dignity like getting a job Don't be discouraged — part of the reason it's so hard to find a job is because of the trauma you're experiencing — keep trying and you'll succeed.
If you're retired or well-off to the extent that there's no need for you to find a wage-paying job, then volunteer your expertise to organizations and people who will benefit from your knowledge and experience. The welfare agencies are always looking for people to teach others how to keep house, cook meals, and care for children. You might even consider organizing a business or putting together classes of some sort to help people with their problems and/or inexperience.
The next thing you should do is make up a budget to live by, and determine to become the best "money manager" who ever lived. Few people live according to a budget, and consequently, most people are over their heads in debt.
Relative to the kind of person you want to become — you want others to think of you as — and the kind of happiness you seek - it is imperative that you learn to manage your money intelligently. Money by itself won't bring happiness, but by using money properly and making it work for you, it can alleviate many of your problems.
Somewhere along the line, you've got to know, understand, and work out your transportation requirements. In this day and age, you have to have transportation to get to the places downtown, across town, or even to the grocery store. Don't take anything for granted or expect it to work itself out. Analyze all of your possible needs, consider all your options, and then plan for every situation, including emergencies.
Very definitely, you should give yourself time to relax and socialize with other people. If you haven't been too friendly of late with your next door neighbor, or the people in your block, then get out and renew those acquaintances. Get out of your "closet" and pay them a visit, or invite them into your home for coffee. Let people know that you're alive and well — that you're worth knowing as a friend and neighbor.
It may be difficult during this time to do much socializing because everything you see or do reminds you of the past — and with this in mind, it's a good idea to check into the social activities sponsored by your local churches, civic organizations, and even the singles clubs. Don't "go out" to replace the love you've lost or to find the "real true love" of your life. Just go out to be with people, to enjoy yourself, and get your mind off your problems.
No, you won't be able to forget the hurt you've gone through nor become a new person overnight. It will take some time, longer for some people than others. But the important thing is regaining your confidence following a divorce is to know that you are someone of worth — believe it — acknowledge that you can be the kind of person you want to be — set your sights on becoming/attaining all your ambitions — do what's really necessary to fulfilling your dreams, and go for them.
This is a new beginning for you. A chance to really prove to yourself that you can do it. Know what you want — be honest with yourself in understanding what you have to do to get what you want — and then let nothing stand in your way until you get precisely what you want. It can be yours, but you have to make it all happen!